Those Phrases shared by A Dad Which Rescued Us when I became a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was just just surviving for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the actual experience quickly became "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get assistance. In what way can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While society is now better used to addressing the stress on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a larger reluctance to talk between men, who continue to internalise harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a display of weakness to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to ask for a pause - taking a short trip abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He realised he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "poor choices" when younger to change how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that made you feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the most effective way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men since they confronted their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I feel like my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."